nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
