He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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