thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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