somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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