Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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