So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
