That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
