TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
