dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
