How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
