This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
