her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
