We're facebook friends in real life
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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