why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
