Apparently you make a good broom.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
