Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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