how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
