I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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