Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're a waste of cheezeits
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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