It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
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just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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