I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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