shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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