We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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