Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize