I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
