you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just puked most of my soul out..
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