Sry I called you an 8
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
