I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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