Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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