At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
