Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
