don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
