do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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