i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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