i need an iv and a liver transplant
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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