Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
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You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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