You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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