You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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