I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
