dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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