Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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