So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
