how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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