Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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