I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
