I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
