Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
