party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
