come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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