the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize