Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
