I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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