It's Friday. Sex?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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