I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
