Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
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he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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