studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
