you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
