dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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