i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
