I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
