If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
