My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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