Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
