Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
