I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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