I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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